She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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