Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
