Christians are straight up FREAKS
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
