And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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