My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
