god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
