oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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