So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
