I am puke
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
