i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
