If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
