i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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