The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
