I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
