Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
