How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
