I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
