I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
