Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
