Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
