you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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