dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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