Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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