he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
