so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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