did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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