So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
