we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
