Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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