i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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