the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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