I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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