you would pick up someone in the library
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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