went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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