i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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