Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
