I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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