umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
