Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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