Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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