They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Randomize
