Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
