im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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