i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
