i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
