So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
