it wasn't lemon gatorade
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize