If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
