She is in my trunk
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
