I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
