Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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