dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
