Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
