Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
