woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize