I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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