His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You're like the curious george of whores
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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