need another drink. this is the easiest way
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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