My underwear smells like fireworks.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Randomize
