I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
