I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
