all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
