You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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