there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
