HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
it hurts more in the daytime
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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