Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
