I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
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