This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
wakey wakey hands off snakey
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
