I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
