well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
