am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
