I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
