So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
