i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
