just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
