You really coming over, don't trick.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
