The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
