are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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