3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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