The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
