His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
