my mouth tastes like poor choices
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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