I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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