her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
