Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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