another moral hangover. fuck.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
