These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
