Pappa wants mamma naked
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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