I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
