I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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