tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
