The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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