Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
