its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
