her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
