yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
