he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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