guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize