he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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