I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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