kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
