i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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