I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
