Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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