I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
