Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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